Dear America,
I, the Democratic Party, have thought about this alot in the last 9 months. It has been hard, at first I felt so thrilled by the election of Barack Obama to the Presidency. I literally ran into the streets, screaming “They Love us, they really love us!”. To me, the dawn of a new day had come, and I was the head of it. Regrettably, this feeling was short lived.
It all started when the President decided to promote a great and wonderful program that would provide healthcare for all, and at no cost to anyone. I believed what he said, after all he was the chosen one, he who would provide the solution to all the naysayers from the other side, a messiah of the people. I worked hard to make it all work, but then it happened–all these awful people opposed me, not even giving me a chance to make them understand how I could make their dreams come true, even in ways not envisioned by the greats such as Marx, Lenin, or Mao. Why wouldn’t they listen?!
At first it was just anger. I was angry because they wouldn’t listen. But then my anger became deeper, they were getting in the way of “Change”. If nothing else, I would make them listen. I would treat them like a wife who refused to listen to their husband, and perhaps a few good “corrections” would get them to come around.
So I tried to sweep them out of the way. I did everything I could, bludgeoning them about the head and shoulders, calling them names such as “Tea bagger” “racists” and “homophobes”. Nothing worked, and even some of the members of these groups who were Gay, black, asian, or Latino, sort of objected to my characterization. I got even more upset, who were they to talk? They were nothing more than frauds! Everyone knows you can’t have an individual personality under the tutelage of “The one who must be named, and often”!
It went on like this for months, and I kept going from rage to deep depression. It seemed that these people would not give up. They kept talking about this strange belief system called “Liberty” and referring to outdated documents such as the Constitution.
I sit here now at the edge of my seat in the US Congress, and have decided that it will end soon. I will pull the trigger, and make it happen once and for all. I don’t care what happens afterward, because I never had much time for God or such silly concepts. Oh well, here goes….
Bang! (and here is how the story ends, and the American people allowed the Democratic party to commit suicide)
They could have taken a different route, and I wish it was sad to see them go, but at the same time they did it of their own volition.
DreadPirateRoberts
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